10 Facebook Rules for Married Couples

1. Don't spend more time on Facebook than you should. How much time is that? It depends on what your spouse says. Communicate with your spouse and ask them, "Am I spending too much time online?" You want to make sure your spouse is your number 1 relationship, not your buddies on Facebook. Pursue your spouse more than you pursue online relationships. Don't Facebook during "couple" time (ie. When your wife asks you to watch a movie with her, do you Facebook through it? Or don't facebook every night instead of going to bed with your husband.).

2. NEVER hide things from your spouse on Facebook. I've said it before and I'll say it a 1000 more times, openness and honestly is the glue of your marriage. When you start hiding friendships, conversations, chat sessions and comments from your spouse, THAT IS UNHEALTHY. If you're not allowing your spouse to know what you're doing on Facebook or online, that's a sign that you're doing something you shouldn't be doing. Cheating on your spouse online is JUST AS WRONG as physically cheating on your spouse. If you're doing it ... STOP IT!

3. Share your Facebook password with your spouse. I share every password with my wife ... from my Facebook account to every email address I have. Why would I want to do that? It's called trust, and it's also called accountability. Knowing my wife can open my laptop at anytime and read anything I'm doing, or see any place I've gone, keeps me accountable. Don't hide things from your spouse. Make sure you regularly tell them, "You are welcome to see what I'm doing anytime."

4. NEVER befriend anyone of the opposite sex that your spouse is uncomfortable with. Befriending an old boyfriend or girlfriend should NEVER be done. Don't search for old boyfriends and girlfriends. Simple communication with your spouse about this is best.

5. Defriend anyone who crosses normal boundaries. If someone is saying things, doing things or asking questions online that make you uncomfortable OR would make you uncomfortable in person, then that's not a good sign. Listen to the little voice in your head. If something tells you "this isn't right," then it's probably not. Never be ashamed or afraid to defriend someone that may have ulterior motives.

6. If you're married, PROUDLY set your "Relationship Status" to married. I wish there was a "Happily Married" status or for that matter, an "I'm madly in love with my incredibly gorgeous wife." I'd change my status to that in a heartbeat. :)

7. Post pictures of you and your spouse on your Facebook, OR use a "couple" picture as your profile picture.

8. Don't be afraid to proclaim your love for your spouse on Facebook. Someone of the opposite sex won't question your love for your spouse if you occasionally brag on your spouse on your Facebook status. It's healthy to brag on your spouse, and occasionally doing it in public conveys your love for your spouse to the world. It doesn't bother me one drop to tell the world just how much I love my wife. At the same time, I would NEVER use my status to complain about my spouse. Not smart!

9. Think before you type. Don't make comments on statuses and pictures of other people that come across as suggestive.

10. No matter how many friends you have on Facebook, remember that your #1 friend should be your spouse. Strive to better that relationship on a daily basis. Work 1000 times harder to grow in your relationship than you do at finding friends on Facebook. NEVER take your relationship with your spouse for granted. THE LAST THING YOU WANT is 1000 Facebook friends, while the love between you and your best friend slowly dies out.

Thanks to www.treymorgan.net!

10 Things Wives Should Never Do

Last week I posted “10 Things Husbands Should Never Do.”  Here is the flip side of that coin…

NEVER criticize or belittle your husband in public. A husband's ego is fragile and being critical of him in public or to your girlfriends is crushing.

NEVER withhold sex from your husband as punishment for something he has done wrong.

NEVER put your relationship with your children above your relationship with your husband. Don't stop being a mother, but just don't make your children more important than your relationship with your husband.

NEVER forget to regularly brag on your spouse. Men are like children, they are motivated by praise. You can not tell him too often how nice he looks, what a good dad he is, what a good provider he is, how much he still turns you on, etc. Simply be his biggest cheerleader.

NEVER view meeting your husband's needs sexually as a chore, but as a priority. Whether you're having sex five times a week or five times a year ... be happy. I read recently that couples who reported any kind of marital intimacy, everything from holding hands to sex, exhibited lower levels of stress. Strive to make your sex life sizzle.

NEVER use the silent treatment. The silent treatment is an immature and horribly unhealthy way of communicating that something is wrong. Just share your heart.

NEVER expect your husband to read your mind or to know what's wrong with you. Ladies, I've said it once and I'll say it a million more times, you CANNOT connect the dots close enough for us men to catch on to what you are thinking. Just spell it out. Dropping hints or just expecting your husband to know what your thinking will only lead to MORE frustration. Simply tell us what's on your mind.

NEVER underestimate the importance of doing things your husband likes to do. Be your husband's best friend and spend time doing things he likes to do. Take interest in some of his hobbies. Some of the best memories you can make together are when you're spending time together.

NEVER take for granted your physical appearance. Everyone knows that men are visually stimulated, so dress with the goal of pleasing him. I'm not saying you have to be a trophy wife, but do the best with what you have. Face cream, rollers in your hair and an old pink bathrobe should not be the norm for how he sees you.

NEVER forget to be limitless in your forgiveness. Husbands can make mistakes with the best of them, so always be willing to forgive.

Thanks to www.treymorgan.net!

10 Things Husbands Should Never Do

I found this article through a link on Yahoo.com.  I am pretty sure I wouldn’t endorse most of the stuff from the site I found this on, but I though this was pretty good (I love #8, I thought I was the only one that happens to in a department store)…

Guys, we love you, we really do. But as wonderful as you are, every so often you do something that makes us want to jump out the nearest window (or push you out first). Please, please, don’t ever…

1. Offer to “babysit” your own kids. When your 16-year-old neighbor does it, it’s called babysitting. When a parent does it, it’s called child care, and it lasts for at least 18 years. Get it?

2. Imply that office work is harder than housework. At the end of a hard day, there may be smoke coming out of your ears, but let’s face it: You’ve basically been sitting on your butt. That same smoke is coming out of our ears too—but we’ve cleaned the house, shuttled the kids around, run errands all over town and lugged grocery bags besides. When we say we’re exhausted, we are exhausted.

3. Give a home appliance as a gift. Forgive us if we can’t work it up for this one. A new washing machine? Really? Can we get you some new snow tires?

4. Buy us the “cougar” perfume. Under our crew-neck sweaters may beat the heart of an untamed vixen—but most of us don’t want to smell like one. (Nice try, though.)

5. Brag about your driving. This is supposed to let us know that ours isn’t so great. If my husband tells me one more time that he’s been “accident-free since 1978,” I’m going to reach over, grab the wheel and make the car swerve into something, just to shut him up.

6. Be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble. I don’t know whose fault this is (Food Network? Julie and Julia?), but every so often we get the idea that it would be fun to make stock and spend the day basting. If the result is less than earth-shattering, say something nice anyway.

7. Buy clothes without trying them on. We know that the second you get into a department store you start to feel faint, but do us a favor and take the extra five minutes. Otherwise, you know who gets stuck with the returns?

8. Know it all, especially in public. Oh, honey. While you’re going on at length about whatever it is, we’re taking the temperature of the room, and we know everyone’s starting to fidget.

9. Say anything remotely critical about our new haircut. Sometimes getting a new cut goes well; sometimes it doesn’t. Usually we know the difference. Don’t rub it in.

10. Expect a medal for doing a little housework. Umm…it’s your house too, right? For now, we’ll give you the bronze. Maybe someday, if you work hard enough, you can pick up a gold.

Giving Like God

John 3:16 - “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

This is probably the most familiar verse in all of the Bible.  We are reminded by this verse, especially at Christmas time, of wonderful giving nature of God.  The Bible also says in Romans 8:29 that God wants to conform us to the image of His Son.  We are to pattern our lives after Christ as much as possible.  One of the ways we can follow the example of Christ is to be a giver like He was.

I believe this verse shows us five characteristics of God-like giving.  These are attributes that should characterize our giving as well.

Give with the Right Motive – “For God so loved…”

The ultimate motivation for God’s gift to mankind was His love.  Love means to be pleased with something/someone or to regard something/someone with affection.  Love should always be the primary motivation for our giving.  Jesus said in Matthew 6:1, “Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them…”  There were those in His day who did what they did strictly to be seen of men.  People like that certainly exist today and, if we’re not careful, we can fall prey to that trap as well.

Give with a Specific Target in Mind – “…the world…”

Let’s face it.  God can have a bigger target than we can.  He had the ability to give a gift that could impact the entire world.  Nonetheless, He had a target.  There should always be a target of our giving as well.  We can give time, energy or resources to God, people or causes.  Make sure you have a specified target when you give.

Give Something of Value – “…he gave his only begotten Son…”

God gave the most precious thing He could give.  He gave Himself.  Our giving is God-like when we give something of value.  The more you love something/someone, the more valuable your gifts for that thing/person will be.  You can literally measure your love for God be measuring the value of what you give to Him.  You can do the same for people or causes – like your church.

Give with No Strings Attached – “…that whosoever believeth…”

Aren’t you glad John 3:16 doesn’t say, “…that whosoever reads their Bible every day should not perish, but have everlasting life?”  Or prays for five hours a day…never misses a church service…never misses a tithe…etc.  Surely the gift of God will transform a life and cause someone to do things they’d never do in and of themselves (ie, serve God with a pure heart).  But I’m glad God gave with no strings attached.  God didn’t give with the goal of getting something in return and neither should we.  Love produces giving, not bartering.

Give for the Benefit of Others – “…should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

The benefit of a gift is directly related to it’s value.  God’s gift could impact the world and provide salvation for a soul because of its tremendous value.  Again, we have to pare down our expectations, but the principle remains.  Does your giving benefit God, people or a cause?

Take inventory of your giving.  Do these principles characterize your giving?  If you’re a Christian, you should desire your giving to be God-like.  The example is laid out for us in the most famous verse in all the Bible.

An Easy, Cheap Date Idea

Last Saturday my wife and I were kinda in a down mood and wanted to do something, but everything we thought of just wasn't it. Part of the downer was that we tend to do the same things every time we do go and do something.

Finally an idea just popped in my head: "Let's go to the mall!" Now, my wife and I are not mall people, and generally we don't enjoy walking around looking at stuff we can't afford, but since it was different and it was a "together" activity, she went for it.

While we were there, however, things got a little interesting. My wife said, "We should have a challenge to accomplish while we're here." Okay, sure. "We should split up and have 25 minutes to go and buy the other a gift for under five dollars." Well that's creative.

And so we split up. I definitely found a lot of stuff that should have been five bucks at the mall, but it really was a challenge finding a little gift that actually cost five dollars. At the very last minute (and after way too many stores), I found a cute pair of cheap earrings, and she got me a little backpack key chain that had my name on it along with a card.

But the best part of the whole night was seeing her smile and hearing her say thank you for being creative and getting her out of her funk.

Remember that the key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time. Me taking her to the mall definitely fit the bill for both of those, and we love each other more because of it.

Thanks to www.iamhusband.com!

Making the Busiest Time of Year the Best!

No doubt, this is the best time of the year! And in many ways, it’s also the busiest. There’s a simple, effective way to make the Christmas season balanced and Christ-honoring. On this first day of December I challenge you to do the following exercise. It will spare you a lot of frustration in the next four weeks.

1. Start with the December Calendar—get the month of December, and place everything you have scheduled onto that calendar. Though I use a computer calendar, I find that printing it out helps for this process. The key is, it must be complete. Everything you have scheduled needs to be visible in one place—every church service, every soulwinning time, every appointment, every fellowship, every basketball game, every commitment, etc. You might consider color coding it—family, church, work, etc.

2. Set an Appointment with Your Spouse—find at least an hour over lunch or at a quiet place where you can study the month together and discuss the commitments. This appointment is critical. A lot of times, we have frustration in our relationships regarding schedule because of a lack of communication. When our expectations differ, we are on a collision course. When we can talk about it ahead of time and decide together what is best, things go better because we share the same expectations. This solves a lot of problems before they happen.

3. Together, Make a List of Things You Want/Need to Do This Month—creatively make a list of the things you want to do to make December special and memorable. For us this is usually things like decorate the tree, make some sugar cookies, play some games on family nights, have a couple of nice dinners out, take family photos, do some Christmas shopping, maybe visit a Christmas place (lights, etc.). Decide when and how you will make Christmas memorable for your family.

4. Together, Make a List of People You Desire to Minister To—the Lord will lead you to minister to people this season. It might be a neighbor, a friend, a coworker, a Sunday school class, or some other family or group in your church. Determine how you will minister to them—whether inviting them to church, hosting them to your home, baking some treats, hosting a fellowship, or doing some other act of kindness.

5. Identify Things That Will Create Pressure—there are some things this season that are predictably pressure-filled—like getting the house ready for company, packing for a trip, getting the gifts purchased and wrapped, and preparing for some special aspect of the season. During this planning date, before the pressure hits, decide how you can sanely accomplish what is before you. It might require packing early, allowing extra time around those deadlines, enlisting the help of others, etc. When a couple looks at these things together, they often come of with really good solutions as a team.

6. Put It All Together on The Calendar—Now start putting steps 2 through 5 on your calendar. This is the hardest part because it requires you to make tough decisions—to say yes to some things and no to some things. Work together in the cooperative effort of planning a December to remember. Listen to each other’s concerns and be a team in finding solutions. Plan the busy time and the down time. Plan the memories. Plan the date nights. Put it all on the calendar—what day you plan to bake cookies, what night the game is, what day you plan to visit or minister to a needy person, and when you plan to pack for that trip. Be willing to bend and flex. Above all, make choices that honor the Lord and keep Him first.

You and your family are a finite resource. December is a finite resource. Before you know it, the Christmas season will be past and 2010 will have begun. Ten years from now, you will wish you purposefully planned and cherished this season. And you will not regret the choices of integrity that you made together.

Schedule your planning date today—December has already begun!

Have a great December, on purpose.

Thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!

7 Big Parenting Mistakes

(Besides the funny hat.)

Here’s a short list of mistakes that all parents can make when it comes to seeing, understanding, and biblically responding to the spiritual growing pains of life. (This is as much to myself as to others.) Stop and think about it—and pray for godly wisdom in responding to the issues of your children’s heart with proper compassion, authority, and biblical instruction.

Too often, when our kids struggle, this is our reaction:

1. Denial – denying issues or naively thinking that there aren’t any issues to deal with.

2. Embarrassment – hoping others don’t find out about an issue—which causes me to not seek help or counsel.

3. Defensiveness – taking offense at someone’s attempt to deal with an issue, or allowing my child to avoid personal responsibility by blaming others.

4. Unresponsiveness – knowing there’s an issue but hoping it will just go away on its own (you know—a phase.)

5. Weariness – knowing there’s an issue, but being too tired to respond, or becoming discouraged that nothing I’ve tried appears to be working.

6. Duplicity – not wanting to deal with my own issue, and thus, creating an allowance for my child’s.

7. Over-reaction – blowing up over the issue rather than contexualizing it biblically and responding appropriately.

The answers: 1. Expect your kids to struggle. 2. And since everybody’s kids struggle, don’t be embarrassed when they do. 3. Be supportive when another authority loves your child enough to help—even if the child whines about it. 4. Don’t expect issues to disappear, they usually get worse. (See this article about passive parenting.) 5. No matter how tired or discouraged you are, don’t stop doing the right things—like praying and laboring. 6. Be willing to examine your own heart first so you can authentically help your child. 7. Put every issue into the context of obeying and honoring God, and respond in that light.

Let’s face it, our best parenting skills cannot cover for the fact that we’re human! We all have blind spots. And our children all have an enemy who is targeting them. Every kid has issues and every parent is called of God to biblically nurture and lead through those issues. Expect the enemy to come after your kids—and ask God for wisdom in strength to do the right thing when he does.

“…bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

Thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!