5 “Stays” for a Great Marriage

Pastor Paul and Terrie Chappell (www.lancaseterbaptist.org) have a great testimony of a wonderful marriage.  This is a must read for all married couples.  You will learn something and be encouraged as you strive to see your marriage glorify God!

-Brother Chris

Yesterday, Terrie and I celebrated thirty years of marriage. It’s hard to believe that something that seemed too wonderful to be true on our wedding day is even better now! I praise God for a godly wife and for the ever-deepening relationship He has given us.

Every newly-married couple knows that marriage is one of God’s greatest gifts. But, after the newness wears off, far too many couples treat their marriage like the kids who get the toy “I’ve always wanted” for Christmas.” They enjoy the gift for a short period, but very soon it is forgotten or neglected.

Marriage is for the long haul. And it actually gets better through the years when it is given continual attention. If you want a marriage that lasts, then you need these five “stays”:

1. Stay in love with Jesus.

God’s greatest commandment is to love Him: “And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might” (Deuteronomy 6:5). This foundation to our relationship with the Lord is also the foundation to our relationship with our spouse. If you stay in love with the Lord and remain yielded to the Holy Spirit, He will give you love and patience for your spouse.

People who leave their spouse, do so as a result of gradually sliding—away from the Lord. They first backslide from the Lord, and then their heart is turned from their spouse.

So many husbands and wives focus on having the other spouse meet their needs. The greatest needs of our lives, however, can only be met by the Lord. You need to be close to the Lord and walking with Him. When both partners are close to the Lord, they will then find themselves close to the other.

2. Stay committed to having a great marriage.

God commands husbands to take the initiative in this commitment: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25).

When both partners are committed, not just to staying together, but to consistently building and strengthening their marriage, a great marriage is the result. Just as you invested in each other during your time of dating, invest in each other now. Give of your energy and of yourself to build your relationship. Don’t settle for mediocrity!

3. Stay grateful for God’s blessings.

First Thessalonians 5:18 instructs, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I’ve learned much over the past year about marriage just by watching my son and daughter-in-law, Larry and Ashley. Even during the intensity of Larry’s illness and treatment, it’s been special to see them express gratefulness to one another and focus together on God’s blessings.

Satan tries to point out all the flaws in your spouse, but remember, there are many great things about your husband or wife. Look for those things, and express thankfulness for them.

4. Stay open and honest with one another.

Either spouse should be able to check the other’s cell phone, internet history, or social networking sites at any time. Guarding these areas as private and protecting them from your spouse leaves room for great damage in your life. But accountability in every area helps you obey the command of Romans 14:16, “Let not then your good be evil spoken of.”

5. Stay regular in church attendance.

The local church is designed to strengthen and help families. But if you’re not in church, you miss the help you need. Purpose to, as a couple and as a family, obey Hebrews 10:25, “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more as ye see the day approaching.”

Above all, stay together! Some couples endure marriage. But there is so much more that God desires for your relationship. Purpose to invest in your marriage—to by God’s grace take your relationship to new heights for the glory of God.

7 Guidelines for a Joyous Christmas

How is it that the season first announced with peace and good will toward men (Luke 2:14) can become one of our most frazzled and hurried seasons of the year? Below are ten guidelines to help us keep the joy in Christmas:

1. Remember the purpose of the holiday. Christmas was not set as a holiday to give families a time of exchanging gifts or a delicious dinner (although I appreciate both of these traditions!). It was not about school Christmas plays or office parties. Christmas is about Christ. Every day during this season, take time to worship Him. “O come, let us adore Him!”
2. Remember others. There’s nothing that will boost your joy like encouraging another. Take your children to visit a local nursing home, write Christmas cards to the widows in your church, have another family over for dinner. Find ways to demonstrate to others the love we celebrate at Christmas.
3. Don’t neglect unsaved relatives. Rather than avoiding unsaved relatives, anticipate the opportunities to spend time with them at Christmas. Let them know you’re thankful to be part of the same family, and look for opportunities to share the Gospel.
4. Avoid debt. If you can’t pay for it in thirty days, don’t buy it. As much as we want to give our children everything they would like and more, we are giving them a greater gift if we are financially responsible. Besides, your love, time, and attention really does mean more than any toy or gadget to your children.
5. Create memories. Throughout the Christmas season, take pictures and make family times special. With both your immediate family and extended family, spend time shaping special memories for your children.
6. Witness at every opportunity. Christmas is one of the easiest times of the year to witness. Steward this season wisely, and be prepared to share the Gospel everywhere you go. Hand out Gospel tracts, invite neighbors to your church, witness to unsaved loved ones. Look for opportunities, and you will be surprised how many there are!
7. Prepare for the new year. Before January each year, I spend some time alone with the Lord setting goals for the coming year. I review each area of responsibility in my life and ask the Lord to direct me in how I can grow and reach further for His glory.

Follow these guidelines, and your Christmas can be “the most wonderful time of the year”!

Thank you www.paulchappell.com!

10 Gifts Your Husband Would Love This Christmas Season

A few days ago we did a post for the wives (“10 Things Your Wife Would Love this Christmas”), so here’s one for the husbands too. Marriage isn’t about having a trophy mate, but having a trophy marriage. If you get any of these things for your husband this Christmas, you’re sure to get a thumbs up. Wives, none of these things cost a lot of money, but they are invaluable to your husband … and marriage. So here are a few tips to make your husband one happy boy this Christmas …

1. Promise to never use the silent treatment again. This silent treatment is about the most unhealthy  form of communication that there is. Instead of the silent treatment, just try sharing your heart in a kind way.
2. Give your husband lots of praise, both privately and publicly. Your husband LOVES to be bragged on, and if you can’t find something to brag on him about, you’re not looking hard enough. You should be your husband’s biggest fan … and let him know it. Husbands are motivated by your praise. While we’re on the subject, NEVER belittle or criticize your husband in public or to your girlfriends.
3. Put your marriage on the front burner. Jobs, children, and hobbies all come second to your relationship with your husband. The only relationship more important than your marriage is your relationship with God.
4. Make your love life sizzle. Most likely your husband’s number one need is sexual fulfillment. Fulfilling his needs should never come across as a chore, but as a priority. Choose to be the instigator when it comes to sex in your marriage, and never withhold sex from your husband as a punishment for something he’s done wrong.
5. Dress to please your husband. Believe it or not, like it or not, your husband first took notice of you because of your physical appearance, and I’m guessing he still likes to notice your physical appearance so don’t ever take for granted your physical appearance. Everyone knows that men are visually stimulated so dress with the goal of pleasing him. I’m not saying you have to be a trophy wife, but do the best with what you have. Pick out clothes that he’s particularly fond of and remember that face cream, rollers in your hair and an old pink bathrobe should not be the norm for how he sees you.
6. Take an interest in something he likes to do. Educate yourself on your husband’s hobbies so you can talk about things he likes to talk about.  If your husband likes to fish, hunt, golf, work on cars, etc. … learn to take interest in those things. Be your husband’s best friend and spend time doing things he likes to do. Some of the best memories you can make together are when you’re spending time together doing things he loves to do.
7. Get rid of an item of clothing he hates. Remember how we talked about men being visually stimulated? I’m going to guess there’s something in your closet that does the opposite of visually stimulating your husband. An old bathrobe, full-bodied footed pajamas, an ugly pair of shoes. Ask him sometime, “What’s one thing I wear that you’d love for me to get rid of?” and then get rid of it without getting your feelings hurt.
8. Make him a coupon book for Christmas. Whether they’re naughty or nice, every husband would love a little book of hand made coupons for everything from a night out on the town to a massage.
9. Be a godly woman. Put as much effort into being as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside (1 Peter 3:1-4).
10. Make it a habit to start every day with a kiss … and then greet him with a hug and kiss when he arrives home too.

Thanks to www.treymorgan.net!

10 Gifts Your Wife Would Love This Christmas Season

Here are a few things I bet your wife would like for Christmas. These are not things you would find in the Black Friday ads or 20% off at the department store, but I can promise you that your wife will love any of them this Christmas.  (Next we’ll do 10 Gifts for Husbands).

So here are a few tips for men that will make your wives really happy…

1. Commit to making date night a weekly activity. Check your calendar, find a babysitter and go out on a date every week. Something as simple as supper together or a walk in the park can greatly strengthen your relationship.  Make sure you focus on one another, not on checking on the kids or texting on your phone.
2. Write her a romantic note. Whether you use paper and pen, or type it on the computer, just get it done. Tell her 10 things you like about her or remind her that she still rocks your world.
3. Always talk about her in a positive light. Say praising things to others about her … especially if she’s present. Find something to compliment her on everyday.
4. Learn the art of “non-sexual touching.” For some men non-sexual touching is an oxymoron. It’s two words that don’t go together, but what wives needs sometimes is their hand held, their hair stroked or their shoulder’s rubbed in a non-sexual way. This is called affection, and it is most likely your wife’s number one need. Understand though, affection is not a precursor to sex.
5. Pray for her. Spend some time during your day praying for your wife, and then tell her that you did, or even better, pray with her. Ask her if she’ll spend a few moments praying with you. There is NO time in my marriage that I feel more oneness and intimacy than when I’m praying with my wife.
6. Help her around the house. We’re not talking about changing the oil in the car, but more like running a vacuum, washing the dishes or helping out with the kids on a regular basis. Whoever came up with the idea that the man’s only job in marriage is to “make a living” told a BIG fat lie.
7. Take an interest in something your wife likes. You did this before you were married, why not do it again. Go shopping with her or watch a television show with her that she likes, but take an interest in her likes.  You can’t find two people more different than Lea and I, but we have learned to like each other’s interests and hobbies. Try it … you might be surprised. Some of the things she likes might be fun.
8. Be the spiritual leader in your home. Most wives wants you to be the spiritual leader in the home. It’s actually the way God designed it. A real men isn’t satisfied with just providing for their families, but want to do everything God designed them to do. Here are some example: Read your bible with your family. Pray with your children. Model integrity for your family to see.
9. Value your marriage. We value our homes, cars and other material possessions, but our relationships are the most valuable things we have. What we put into our relationships and marriage is what we’ll get out of them. Make your marriage a priority and find value in it.
10. Cook dinner one night. I hear men often say while taking their family out for dinner, “It was my turn to cook.” That’s the easy way out. Try actually cooking some night, AND then make sure you clean up after yourself when you’re done.

Many thanks to www.treymorgan.net!!!