7 Big Parenting Mistakes

Here’s a short list of mistakes that all parents can make when it comes to seeing, understanding, and biblically responding to the spiritual growing pains of life. (This is as much to myself as to others.) Stop and think about it—and pray for godly wisdom in responding to the issues of your children’s hearts with proper compassion, authority, and biblical instruction.

Too often, when our kids struggle, this is our reaction:

1. Denial – denying issues or naively thinking that there aren’t any issues to deal with.

2. Embarrassment – hoping others don’t find out about an issue—which causes me to not seek help or counsel.

3. Defensiveness – taking offense at someone’s attempt to deal with an issue, or allowing my child to avoid personal responsibility by blaming others.

4. Unresponsiveness – knowing there’s an issue but hoping it will just go away on its own (you know—a phase).

5. Weariness – knowing there’s an issue, but being too tired to respond, or becoming discouraged that nothing I’ve tried appears to be working.

6. Duplicity – not wanting to deal with my own issue, and thus, creating an allowance for my child’s.

7. Over-reaction – blowing up over the issue rather than contexualizing it biblically and responding appropriately.

The answers: 1. Expect your kids to struggle. 2. And since everybody’s kids struggle, don’t be embarrassed when they do. 3. Be supportive when another authority loves your child enough to help—even if the child whines about it. 4. Don’t expect issues to disappear, they usually get worse. 5. No matter how tired or discouraged you are, don’t stop doing the right things—like praying and laboring. 6. Be willing to examine your own heart first so you can authentically help your child. 7. Put every issue into the context of obeying and honoring God, and respond in that light.

Let’s face it, our best parenting skills cannot cover for the fact that we’re human! We all have blind spots. And our children all have an enemy who is targeting them. Every kid has issues and every parent is called of God to biblically nurture and lead through those issues. Expect the enemy to come after your kids—and ask God for wisdom and strength to do the right thing when he does.

“…bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

Thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!

A Mom’s Wish List

So, Dear Husband:
Be observant: Since its not fair to wish for a mind reader, this is the next best thing, right? Just notice stuff. Like the nice dinner I prepared, or the extra effort I made to run that errand for you, or the kids stinky diaper, or the hug I could really use right about now. Then take those keen observations and act on them.

Be appreciative: Thank me. Sincerely. For anything and everything. Like that dinner or the errand. Knowing I'm appreciated will make it easier for me to appreciate you and all your thoughtful diaper changes and hugs.

Be open: Since I'm not requiring you to be a mind reader, please don't expect it from me. I can't guess what you're thinking, so you're just gonna have to tell me. Things always go smoother when we communicate openly. And just think how much better it'd be if I didn't have to coerce you into it.

Be attentive: I spend all day with a toddler who listens only when the topic concerns doggies, milk, or Elmo. So when you're around, I crave your listening ear. And, so long as you don't mention Elmo, I'll gladly give you mine.

9 Myths of Marriage

I laughed when I read, “The only perfect thing in marriage is the airbrushed wedding photo.”Boy is that true. There will never be a perfect marriage because it’s made up of two imperfect people,but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a great marriage. Great marriages take work and knowing the facts. Don’t get sucked in on these marriage myths…

1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Never! It’s okay when a job separates you occasionally, but taking a job that keeps you away for weeks at a time is asking for trouble. I had a man tell me once that his new job, that would take him away 4 months out of the year, would be worth it because it would gain him over $12,000 a year. I asked him if that was worth losing his family. He said it would never happen … but it did. I’m not saying a marriage can’t survive a job that separates a husband and a wife, but I sure don’t recommend it.
2. Your spouse shouldn’t be your best friend. Actually the opposite is true … your spouse SHOULD be your best friend.
3. My spouse will know my needs without me having to say anything. Let me just say, “ARE YOU NUTS!” No way. Just because you are married doesn’t mean your spouse can read your mind. You have to tell your spouse what your needs are in order to have them met. Wives, listen close, you can’t connect the dots CLOSE enough for your husband to figure it out and catch on to what you’re thinking … so just tell him.  Dropping hints or just expecting your husband to know what you’er thinking will only lead to MORE frustration.
4. Romance and affection will always fade in time. That’s not always true. Some of the most romantic couples I’ve seen have been married for 20+ years.  At the same time, I can’t help but smile when young couples who are wanting to get married tell me, “Trey, we’ll be alright. When things get bad, we’ll live off the love we have for each other.” It’s at this time I’m usually looking for a trash can so I can throw up. Romantic love WILL fade in time, if you don’t put in the effort to keep it strong.
5. You will automatically grow in your marriage without working at it. Believe it or not, marriages that last are built on good old-fashion work. Good marriages and even great marriages don’t just happen, they take work. What kind of work? Read a book together, attend a weekend marriage seminar, take a weekend to get away without the kids, be willing to make changes in your own life or simply start by asking your spouse “How are we doing?”
6. Marriage is about getting your needs met. Nope, marriage is about giving and meeting your spouse’s needs. When you’re focused on meeting your spouse’s needs, they will in turn meet your needs.
7. Ignoring issues or problems will make them go away. Catch this … ignoring things your spouse says are problems will ONLY make them worse in time. Sweeping things under-the-rug only makes for worse problems later. When you’re having issues in your marriage, FIX THEM!
8. There are some things you shouldn’t share with your spouse. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a million times more … keeping things or hiding things from your spouse is a sign of problems in a marriage. A healthy marriage is one that is built on total openness and honesty. When it comes to secrets in marriage, there should be none. You should NEVER hide passwords, emails, text messages, Facebook content or anything else from one another.
9. You should put your children first. Raising your children should be of the utmost importance, but not so important that you put your relationship with your husband/wife on the back burner. If you invest all your energies into your children and none into your marriage, your marriage will struggle to survive when the kids are grown. What happens is, once the kids are grown, you’ll look across the table at your marriage partner and realize you really don’t have anything in common anymore.

Having a successful marriage does not come by simply finding the right mate, but more by being the right mate.

Thanks to www.treymorgan.net!

7 Practices for Healthy Families – Part 2

This is part two of this article. In the first four practices we’ve seen these principles: Regularly ask for the filling of God’s Spirit, pray together consistently, resolve conflict immediately, and play together abundantly. Let’s move on:

Step Five—Grow and Serve Together Continually. Local church is huge for healthy family life. Contentious families generally treat church with a casual, half-heartedness. It’s easily tossed aside for a Sunday night movie, a birthday, or a ball game. While church isn’t an immediate “fix-all” for every family problem, it is a vital and essential part of the healthy family recipe. When every family member is growing in Christ and the knowledge of His Word, and every family member is involved in serving the Lord through a local body, family life is dramatically impacted for the better.

This is not only God’s design, it’s His command. Ephesians 4:16 teaches that we, as a local church body are “fitly framed together… unto the edifying of itself in love.” Casually commit to that process—prepare for ongoing weakness in your family. Fully commit to that process—prepare for a stronger home.

Step Six—Respond to God’s Spirit Instantly. Sometimes we call it “intuition”—that still, small voice cluing us in on a need, a parental oversight, or a needed response. God does this all the time with parents, but His promptings are often drowned out by distractions or rationalization. In contentious families, parents don’t hear or respond to God’s prompting. In healthy families, God’s leading is given careful attention and obedience.

God will prompt you to take your daughter out for a talk, invest a morning into your son, or write your wife a love note. He will prompt you to get counsel from a pastor, check your son’s iPod, or place your arm around your girl and give a firm word of affirmation. He will remind you of little things, warn you of danger, and lead you to take right steps. He will give you a peace about some things and not others. We don’t need to rationalize away His promptings. We won’t usually understand why He is prompting us a certain direction. When it comes to God’s promptings, just obey. And make that your explanation too if the prompting doesn’t line up with your kid’s expectations: “I’m just obeying what God has put on my heart.” Galatians 5:25 teaches us to “walk in the Spirit…”

Step Seven—Nurture the Heart Faithfully. Kind words, teaching words, affirming words, and encouraging words—these things nurture the heart. Many kids only hear their parents on two channels. Channel #1 is “I want you to do something.” (Mow the lawn, pick up your room, do your homework, quiet down, get ready for bed… you get the picture.) Channel #2 is “You did something wrong.” (Get in here, stop that, I can’t believe you, What were you thinking, You’re grounded, etc.) And often both channels have one mode—harsh. Some Christian parents even scorn, ridicule, and curse at their children. Both unthinkable and devastating to a young heart.

Do your kids ever hear you on other channels? What about kind? Uplifting? Gentle? Spiritual? Loving? Do they know when they are doing a good job? Do they sense how proud you are of them? Do they know you take great pleasure in just being their parent? There’s something deeply inspiring and motivating about this kind of nurture. If you yell at me, I will do better temporarily because I don’t want to upset you. (And in fact, I may avoid you!) But if you nurture me, I will do better because you inspired me through love and acceptance to be a better child of God. Now that’s healthy parenting! Proverbs 25:11 says, “a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

If God has given you a family, and your heart is still beating—then you have a great gift. Don’t waste another day in the mire of contention and family strife. Refuse to give Satan such victory. For you never know when you might be facing your final opportunity to cherish and love those who are so precious in your life.

Remember, these seven practices are atomic bombs—small packages, big results! God’s Word promises that these things make a difference in family life. The question is, will you take the prescription so God can heal the brokenness? May God bless you as you seek to build whole and healthy relationships in your Christian family.

Thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!