5 “Stays” for a Great Marriage

Pastor Paul and Terrie Chappell (www.lancaseterbaptist.org) have a great testimony of a wonderful marriage.  This is a must read for all married couples.  You will learn something and be encouraged as you strive to see your marriage glorify God!

-Brother Chris

Yesterday, Terrie and I celebrated thirty years of marriage. It’s hard to believe that something that seemed too wonderful to be true on our wedding day is even better now! I praise God for a godly wife and for the ever-deepening relationship He has given us.

Every newly-married couple knows that marriage is one of God’s greatest gifts. But, after the newness wears off, far too many couples treat their marriage like the kids who get the toy “I’ve always wanted” for Christmas.” They enjoy the gift for a short period, but very soon it is forgotten or neglected.

Marriage is for the long haul. And it actually gets better through the years when it is given continual attention. If you want a marriage that lasts, then you need these five “stays”:

1. Stay in love with Jesus.

God’s greatest commandment is to love Him: “And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might” (Deuteronomy 6:5). This foundation to our relationship with the Lord is also the foundation to our relationship with our spouse. If you stay in love with the Lord and remain yielded to the Holy Spirit, He will give you love and patience for your spouse.

People who leave their spouse, do so as a result of gradually sliding—away from the Lord. They first backslide from the Lord, and then their heart is turned from their spouse.

So many husbands and wives focus on having the other spouse meet their needs. The greatest needs of our lives, however, can only be met by the Lord. You need to be close to the Lord and walking with Him. When both partners are close to the Lord, they will then find themselves close to the other.

2. Stay committed to having a great marriage.

God commands husbands to take the initiative in this commitment: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25).

When both partners are committed, not just to staying together, but to consistently building and strengthening their marriage, a great marriage is the result. Just as you invested in each other during your time of dating, invest in each other now. Give of your energy and of yourself to build your relationship. Don’t settle for mediocrity!

3. Stay grateful for God’s blessings.

First Thessalonians 5:18 instructs, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I’ve learned much over the past year about marriage just by watching my son and daughter-in-law, Larry and Ashley. Even during the intensity of Larry’s illness and treatment, it’s been special to see them express gratefulness to one another and focus together on God’s blessings.

Satan tries to point out all the flaws in your spouse, but remember, there are many great things about your husband or wife. Look for those things, and express thankfulness for them.

4. Stay open and honest with one another.

Either spouse should be able to check the other’s cell phone, internet history, or social networking sites at any time. Guarding these areas as private and protecting them from your spouse leaves room for great damage in your life. But accountability in every area helps you obey the command of Romans 14:16, “Let not then your good be evil spoken of.”

5. Stay regular in church attendance.

The local church is designed to strengthen and help families. But if you’re not in church, you miss the help you need. Purpose to, as a couple and as a family, obey Hebrews 10:25, “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more as ye see the day approaching.”

Above all, stay together! Some couples endure marriage. But there is so much more that God desires for your relationship. Purpose to invest in your marriage—to by God’s grace take your relationship to new heights for the glory of God.

7 Guidelines for a Joyous Christmas

How is it that the season first announced with peace and good will toward men (Luke 2:14) can become one of our most frazzled and hurried seasons of the year? Below are ten guidelines to help us keep the joy in Christmas:

1. Remember the purpose of the holiday. Christmas was not set as a holiday to give families a time of exchanging gifts or a delicious dinner (although I appreciate both of these traditions!). It was not about school Christmas plays or office parties. Christmas is about Christ. Every day during this season, take time to worship Him. “O come, let us adore Him!”
2. Remember others. There’s nothing that will boost your joy like encouraging another. Take your children to visit a local nursing home, write Christmas cards to the widows in your church, have another family over for dinner. Find ways to demonstrate to others the love we celebrate at Christmas.
3. Don’t neglect unsaved relatives. Rather than avoiding unsaved relatives, anticipate the opportunities to spend time with them at Christmas. Let them know you’re thankful to be part of the same family, and look for opportunities to share the Gospel.
4. Avoid debt. If you can’t pay for it in thirty days, don’t buy it. As much as we want to give our children everything they would like and more, we are giving them a greater gift if we are financially responsible. Besides, your love, time, and attention really does mean more than any toy or gadget to your children.
5. Create memories. Throughout the Christmas season, take pictures and make family times special. With both your immediate family and extended family, spend time shaping special memories for your children.
6. Witness at every opportunity. Christmas is one of the easiest times of the year to witness. Steward this season wisely, and be prepared to share the Gospel everywhere you go. Hand out Gospel tracts, invite neighbors to your church, witness to unsaved loved ones. Look for opportunities, and you will be surprised how many there are!
7. Prepare for the new year. Before January each year, I spend some time alone with the Lord setting goals for the coming year. I review each area of responsibility in my life and ask the Lord to direct me in how I can grow and reach further for His glory.

Follow these guidelines, and your Christmas can be “the most wonderful time of the year”!

Thank you www.paulchappell.com!

10 Gifts Your Husband Would Love This Christmas Season

A few days ago we did a post for the wives (“10 Things Your Wife Would Love this Christmas”), so here’s one for the husbands too. Marriage isn’t about having a trophy mate, but having a trophy marriage. If you get any of these things for your husband this Christmas, you’re sure to get a thumbs up. Wives, none of these things cost a lot of money, but they are invaluable to your husband … and marriage. So here are a few tips to make your husband one happy boy this Christmas …

1. Promise to never use the silent treatment again. This silent treatment is about the most unhealthy  form of communication that there is. Instead of the silent treatment, just try sharing your heart in a kind way.
2. Give your husband lots of praise, both privately and publicly. Your husband LOVES to be bragged on, and if you can’t find something to brag on him about, you’re not looking hard enough. You should be your husband’s biggest fan … and let him know it. Husbands are motivated by your praise. While we’re on the subject, NEVER belittle or criticize your husband in public or to your girlfriends.
3. Put your marriage on the front burner. Jobs, children, and hobbies all come second to your relationship with your husband. The only relationship more important than your marriage is your relationship with God.
4. Make your love life sizzle. Most likely your husband’s number one need is sexual fulfillment. Fulfilling his needs should never come across as a chore, but as a priority. Choose to be the instigator when it comes to sex in your marriage, and never withhold sex from your husband as a punishment for something he’s done wrong.
5. Dress to please your husband. Believe it or not, like it or not, your husband first took notice of you because of your physical appearance, and I’m guessing he still likes to notice your physical appearance so don’t ever take for granted your physical appearance. Everyone knows that men are visually stimulated so dress with the goal of pleasing him. I’m not saying you have to be a trophy wife, but do the best with what you have. Pick out clothes that he’s particularly fond of and remember that face cream, rollers in your hair and an old pink bathrobe should not be the norm for how he sees you.
6. Take an interest in something he likes to do. Educate yourself on your husband’s hobbies so you can talk about things he likes to talk about.  If your husband likes to fish, hunt, golf, work on cars, etc. … learn to take interest in those things. Be your husband’s best friend and spend time doing things he likes to do. Some of the best memories you can make together are when you’re spending time together doing things he loves to do.
7. Get rid of an item of clothing he hates. Remember how we talked about men being visually stimulated? I’m going to guess there’s something in your closet that does the opposite of visually stimulating your husband. An old bathrobe, full-bodied footed pajamas, an ugly pair of shoes. Ask him sometime, “What’s one thing I wear that you’d love for me to get rid of?” and then get rid of it without getting your feelings hurt.
8. Make him a coupon book for Christmas. Whether they’re naughty or nice, every husband would love a little book of hand made coupons for everything from a night out on the town to a massage.
9. Be a godly woman. Put as much effort into being as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside (1 Peter 3:1-4).
10. Make it a habit to start every day with a kiss … and then greet him with a hug and kiss when he arrives home too.

Thanks to www.treymorgan.net!

10 Gifts Your Wife Would Love This Christmas Season

Here are a few things I bet your wife would like for Christmas. These are not things you would find in the Black Friday ads or 20% off at the department store, but I can promise you that your wife will love any of them this Christmas.  (Next we’ll do 10 Gifts for Husbands).

So here are a few tips for men that will make your wives really happy…

1. Commit to making date night a weekly activity. Check your calendar, find a babysitter and go out on a date every week. Something as simple as supper together or a walk in the park can greatly strengthen your relationship.  Make sure you focus on one another, not on checking on the kids or texting on your phone.
2. Write her a romantic note. Whether you use paper and pen, or type it on the computer, just get it done. Tell her 10 things you like about her or remind her that she still rocks your world.
3. Always talk about her in a positive light. Say praising things to others about her … especially if she’s present. Find something to compliment her on everyday.
4. Learn the art of “non-sexual touching.” For some men non-sexual touching is an oxymoron. It’s two words that don’t go together, but what wives needs sometimes is their hand held, their hair stroked or their shoulder’s rubbed in a non-sexual way. This is called affection, and it is most likely your wife’s number one need. Understand though, affection is not a precursor to sex.
5. Pray for her. Spend some time during your day praying for your wife, and then tell her that you did, or even better, pray with her. Ask her if she’ll spend a few moments praying with you. There is NO time in my marriage that I feel more oneness and intimacy than when I’m praying with my wife.
6. Help her around the house. We’re not talking about changing the oil in the car, but more like running a vacuum, washing the dishes or helping out with the kids on a regular basis. Whoever came up with the idea that the man’s only job in marriage is to “make a living” told a BIG fat lie.
7. Take an interest in something your wife likes. You did this before you were married, why not do it again. Go shopping with her or watch a television show with her that she likes, but take an interest in her likes.  You can’t find two people more different than Lea and I, but we have learned to like each other’s interests and hobbies. Try it … you might be surprised. Some of the things she likes might be fun.
8. Be the spiritual leader in your home. Most wives wants you to be the spiritual leader in the home. It’s actually the way God designed it. A real men isn’t satisfied with just providing for their families, but want to do everything God designed them to do. Here are some example: Read your bible with your family. Pray with your children. Model integrity for your family to see.
9. Value your marriage. We value our homes, cars and other material possessions, but our relationships are the most valuable things we have. What we put into our relationships and marriage is what we’ll get out of them. Make your marriage a priority and find value in it.
10. Cook dinner one night. I hear men often say while taking their family out for dinner, “It was my turn to cook.” That’s the easy way out. Try actually cooking some night, AND then make sure you clean up after yourself when you’re done.

Many thanks to www.treymorgan.net!!!

What Your Kids Want (and Need) the Most!

Want to know what your kids want the most from you? It isn’t stuff. It isn’t money. It isn’t entertainment, toys, clothes, or freedom. It isn’t a day at Disneyland, or an expensive vacation. These are the things we try to provide to make up for what we miss. These are the things they ask for on birthdays and Christmas. These are the things that temporarily make us feel like good parents.

What our kids want most, they usually don’t ask for. They hope for it—even subconsciously, but they don’t usually mention it. They need it more than anything, but they don’t even really know it. When they don’t get it, their world becomes chaos—emotional, spiritual, relational chaos. Their living becomes confused and frustrated. They chase after shadows and substitutes, and always come up empty.

When they get it, their world comes back into order. Their emotions settle. Their perspective changes. Their hearts soften. Their countenances become whole. Their sense of belonging returns. Their insecurities diminish. Their stability returns. They become whole again.

What do kids want most? What do kids need most?

TIME with YOU.

Kids who spend quantity and quality time with their parents are very different than kids who don’t. When you’re kids spend time with you, they are deeply impacted. I’ve watched this pattern in all three of my kids at all ages. When they are lacking time with me, their world becomes restless and unsettled. But when they have enough time with me, their world becomes peaceful and stable once again.

Here’s the short list of what happens to your child’s world when he or she has enough time with you:

Time with you makes life have proper perspective. “If Dad and Mom love me, then everything else will be ok.”

Time with you makes hardships have context. “If Dad and Mom are taking care of me, then the tough things in life will work out.”

Time with you makes the heart settled and stronger. “Because Dad and Mom love me, I can care less what the world thinks of me.”

Time with you makes the soul feel loved and accepted. “Dad and Mom love and accept and like me, and that means I don’t need to crave love from anywhere else.”

Time with you makes God’s presence tangible. “If God is anything like Dad or Mom, then I like God!”

Time with you makes God’s heart understandable. “If Dad and Mom understand my heart and feelings, then God must also.”

Time with you makes God’s love real. “God must love me sort of like Dad and Mom love me! Then I love Him too!”

Time with you makes life’s trials endurable. “My trial seemed so big, but everything seems ok when I’m with Dad or Mom.”

Time with you makes emotions manageable. “Dad and Mom help me keep a right view of my feelings and the changes in my life.”

Time with you makes the spirit rest. “Dad and Mom are for me, believe in me, love me, and care for me—that helps me rest well!”

Think of it this way—time with you does for your kids heart what time with God does for your heart. And maybe, if our kids get enough time with us, they will see God in us and through us—and maybe they will fall in love with Him just as we have! Maybe they too will love Him for life like we do! Wouldn’t that be a great reason for spending time with our kids?

Dad and Mom—you are the closest visible, physical expression of the love, heart, and presence of God that your kids will ever experience. So let them experience it! Whatever is pulling you away from giving your children time—it isn’t worth it. Make it happen and watch your kids change in ways you could never force.

God will honor you for loving them the way He does!

Many thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!

7 Big Parenting Mistakes

Here’s a short list of mistakes that all parents can make when it comes to seeing, understanding, and biblically responding to the spiritual growing pains of life. (This is as much to myself as to others.) Stop and think about it—and pray for godly wisdom in responding to the issues of your children’s hearts with proper compassion, authority, and biblical instruction.

Too often, when our kids struggle, this is our reaction:

1. Denial – denying issues or naively thinking that there aren’t any issues to deal with.

2. Embarrassment – hoping others don’t find out about an issue—which causes me to not seek help or counsel.

3. Defensiveness – taking offense at someone’s attempt to deal with an issue, or allowing my child to avoid personal responsibility by blaming others.

4. Unresponsiveness – knowing there’s an issue but hoping it will just go away on its own (you know—a phase).

5. Weariness – knowing there’s an issue, but being too tired to respond, or becoming discouraged that nothing I’ve tried appears to be working.

6. Duplicity – not wanting to deal with my own issue, and thus, creating an allowance for my child’s.

7. Over-reaction – blowing up over the issue rather than contexualizing it biblically and responding appropriately.

The answers: 1. Expect your kids to struggle. 2. And since everybody’s kids struggle, don’t be embarrassed when they do. 3. Be supportive when another authority loves your child enough to help—even if the child whines about it. 4. Don’t expect issues to disappear, they usually get worse. 5. No matter how tired or discouraged you are, don’t stop doing the right things—like praying and laboring. 6. Be willing to examine your own heart first so you can authentically help your child. 7. Put every issue into the context of obeying and honoring God, and respond in that light.

Let’s face it, our best parenting skills cannot cover for the fact that we’re human! We all have blind spots. And our children all have an enemy who is targeting them. Every kid has issues and every parent is called of God to biblically nurture and lead through those issues. Expect the enemy to come after your kids—and ask God for wisdom and strength to do the right thing when he does.

“…bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

Thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!

A Mom’s Wish List

So, Dear Husband:
Be observant: Since its not fair to wish for a mind reader, this is the next best thing, right? Just notice stuff. Like the nice dinner I prepared, or the extra effort I made to run that errand for you, or the kids stinky diaper, or the hug I could really use right about now. Then take those keen observations and act on them.

Be appreciative: Thank me. Sincerely. For anything and everything. Like that dinner or the errand. Knowing I'm appreciated will make it easier for me to appreciate you and all your thoughtful diaper changes and hugs.

Be open: Since I'm not requiring you to be a mind reader, please don't expect it from me. I can't guess what you're thinking, so you're just gonna have to tell me. Things always go smoother when we communicate openly. And just think how much better it'd be if I didn't have to coerce you into it.

Be attentive: I spend all day with a toddler who listens only when the topic concerns doggies, milk, or Elmo. So when you're around, I crave your listening ear. And, so long as you don't mention Elmo, I'll gladly give you mine.

9 Myths of Marriage

I laughed when I read, “The only perfect thing in marriage is the airbrushed wedding photo.”Boy is that true. There will never be a perfect marriage because it’s made up of two imperfect people,but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a great marriage. Great marriages take work and knowing the facts. Don’t get sucked in on these marriage myths…

1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Never! It’s okay when a job separates you occasionally, but taking a job that keeps you away for weeks at a time is asking for trouble. I had a man tell me once that his new job, that would take him away 4 months out of the year, would be worth it because it would gain him over $12,000 a year. I asked him if that was worth losing his family. He said it would never happen … but it did. I’m not saying a marriage can’t survive a job that separates a husband and a wife, but I sure don’t recommend it.
2. Your spouse shouldn’t be your best friend. Actually the opposite is true … your spouse SHOULD be your best friend.
3. My spouse will know my needs without me having to say anything. Let me just say, “ARE YOU NUTS!” No way. Just because you are married doesn’t mean your spouse can read your mind. You have to tell your spouse what your needs are in order to have them met. Wives, listen close, you can’t connect the dots CLOSE enough for your husband to figure it out and catch on to what you’re thinking … so just tell him.  Dropping hints or just expecting your husband to know what you’er thinking will only lead to MORE frustration.
4. Romance and affection will always fade in time. That’s not always true. Some of the most romantic couples I’ve seen have been married for 20+ years.  At the same time, I can’t help but smile when young couples who are wanting to get married tell me, “Trey, we’ll be alright. When things get bad, we’ll live off the love we have for each other.” It’s at this time I’m usually looking for a trash can so I can throw up. Romantic love WILL fade in time, if you don’t put in the effort to keep it strong.
5. You will automatically grow in your marriage without working at it. Believe it or not, marriages that last are built on good old-fashion work. Good marriages and even great marriages don’t just happen, they take work. What kind of work? Read a book together, attend a weekend marriage seminar, take a weekend to get away without the kids, be willing to make changes in your own life or simply start by asking your spouse “How are we doing?”
6. Marriage is about getting your needs met. Nope, marriage is about giving and meeting your spouse’s needs. When you’re focused on meeting your spouse’s needs, they will in turn meet your needs.
7. Ignoring issues or problems will make them go away. Catch this … ignoring things your spouse says are problems will ONLY make them worse in time. Sweeping things under-the-rug only makes for worse problems later. When you’re having issues in your marriage, FIX THEM!
8. There are some things you shouldn’t share with your spouse. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a million times more … keeping things or hiding things from your spouse is a sign of problems in a marriage. A healthy marriage is one that is built on total openness and honesty. When it comes to secrets in marriage, there should be none. You should NEVER hide passwords, emails, text messages, Facebook content or anything else from one another.
9. You should put your children first. Raising your children should be of the utmost importance, but not so important that you put your relationship with your husband/wife on the back burner. If you invest all your energies into your children and none into your marriage, your marriage will struggle to survive when the kids are grown. What happens is, once the kids are grown, you’ll look across the table at your marriage partner and realize you really don’t have anything in common anymore.

Having a successful marriage does not come by simply finding the right mate, but more by being the right mate.

Thanks to www.treymorgan.net!

7 Practices for Healthy Families – Part 2

This is part two of this article. In the first four practices we’ve seen these principles: Regularly ask for the filling of God’s Spirit, pray together consistently, resolve conflict immediately, and play together abundantly. Let’s move on:

Step Five—Grow and Serve Together Continually. Local church is huge for healthy family life. Contentious families generally treat church with a casual, half-heartedness. It’s easily tossed aside for a Sunday night movie, a birthday, or a ball game. While church isn’t an immediate “fix-all” for every family problem, it is a vital and essential part of the healthy family recipe. When every family member is growing in Christ and the knowledge of His Word, and every family member is involved in serving the Lord through a local body, family life is dramatically impacted for the better.

This is not only God’s design, it’s His command. Ephesians 4:16 teaches that we, as a local church body are “fitly framed together… unto the edifying of itself in love.” Casually commit to that process—prepare for ongoing weakness in your family. Fully commit to that process—prepare for a stronger home.

Step Six—Respond to God’s Spirit Instantly. Sometimes we call it “intuition”—that still, small voice cluing us in on a need, a parental oversight, or a needed response. God does this all the time with parents, but His promptings are often drowned out by distractions or rationalization. In contentious families, parents don’t hear or respond to God’s prompting. In healthy families, God’s leading is given careful attention and obedience.

God will prompt you to take your daughter out for a talk, invest a morning into your son, or write your wife a love note. He will prompt you to get counsel from a pastor, check your son’s iPod, or place your arm around your girl and give a firm word of affirmation. He will remind you of little things, warn you of danger, and lead you to take right steps. He will give you a peace about some things and not others. We don’t need to rationalize away His promptings. We won’t usually understand why He is prompting us a certain direction. When it comes to God’s promptings, just obey. And make that your explanation too if the prompting doesn’t line up with your kid’s expectations: “I’m just obeying what God has put on my heart.” Galatians 5:25 teaches us to “walk in the Spirit…”

Step Seven—Nurture the Heart Faithfully. Kind words, teaching words, affirming words, and encouraging words—these things nurture the heart. Many kids only hear their parents on two channels. Channel #1 is “I want you to do something.” (Mow the lawn, pick up your room, do your homework, quiet down, get ready for bed… you get the picture.) Channel #2 is “You did something wrong.” (Get in here, stop that, I can’t believe you, What were you thinking, You’re grounded, etc.) And often both channels have one mode—harsh. Some Christian parents even scorn, ridicule, and curse at their children. Both unthinkable and devastating to a young heart.

Do your kids ever hear you on other channels? What about kind? Uplifting? Gentle? Spiritual? Loving? Do they know when they are doing a good job? Do they sense how proud you are of them? Do they know you take great pleasure in just being their parent? There’s something deeply inspiring and motivating about this kind of nurture. If you yell at me, I will do better temporarily because I don’t want to upset you. (And in fact, I may avoid you!) But if you nurture me, I will do better because you inspired me through love and acceptance to be a better child of God. Now that’s healthy parenting! Proverbs 25:11 says, “a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

If God has given you a family, and your heart is still beating—then you have a great gift. Don’t waste another day in the mire of contention and family strife. Refuse to give Satan such victory. For you never know when you might be facing your final opportunity to cherish and love those who are so precious in your life.

Remember, these seven practices are atomic bombs—small packages, big results! God’s Word promises that these things make a difference in family life. The question is, will you take the prescription so God can heal the brokenness? May God bless you as you seek to build whole and healthy relationships in your Christian family.

Thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!

7 Practices for Healthy Families – Part 1

Brokenness is standard fare for families in today’s culture. Many homes are literally broken apart, while many others are broken from within. In fact, brokenness has become the norm. In today’s American family, strife, contention, anger, and resentment are quite common. Weak marriages, frustrated parents, sin ravaged home environments, argumentative teens, neglected children—this is the stuff of family life in 2010. Sad. The fact that Christian homes also fall into this category is even more sad.

Brokenness is certainly not what God intended. Perhaps this article finds your family in the midst of brokenness—your home life has been reduced to contention. Nobody likes this—not parents, not kids. And everybody knows this isn’t how it’s supposed to be—especially for Christians. So what’s the solution?

The difference between a contentious family and a happy one is not as elusive as you might think. It’s not fate or luck. It’s not that one family just happens to get along and another doesn’t. All families face the same potential for contention and conflict. Successful ones just handle it differently—biblically.

Your family probably doesn’t need a complete rebuild, months of counseling, or psychotherapy. And you’re certainly not stuck in mediocrity. There is hope. The difference between happy families and fractured families is smaller than you think—simple values and practices that any family can learn.

What are they? What simple things does God’s Word teach us that have huge impacts on family life. I would liken these practices to atomic bombs—small packages, big results! Why? Because God honors them. These are the things that move God to work in family life. So, suppose you’re in over your head with family contention. Suppose we were sitting at a coffee shop with a Bible. These are the “prescriptions” God would give you to heal what is broken in your home.

Step One—Regularly Ask for the Filling of God’s Holy Spirit. If you are in over your head, welcome to the club! That’s why we all need God’s supernatural help to overcome our natural tendencies. Ephesians 5:9 teaches that the fruit of the Spirit “is in all goodness and righteousness and truth.” Only God’s Spirit can bring together the different personalities in your home to dwell together in peace and unity.

Step Two—Pray Together Consistently. Pray as a couple, pray with your kids, pray as a whole family. Pray on the way to school, before bed, and just randomly during the day. As simple as this is, it’s difficult for many families to do. Why? Because the devil fights it big time! God will accomplish more in three minutes of prayer than you will accomplish in three hours of arguing or three days of resentment. Every night before bed, take a quiet moment with each child, kneel by their bed, focus on them, and pray a short prayer of love, protection, and gratitude over them. Let them pray too, if they will. If not, just pray out loud. I promise, your relationship will change! James 5:16 teaches that “the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much,” and 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, “Pray without ceasing.”

Step Three—Resolve Conflict Immediately. Contentious families have mounds and mounds of built up hurt that has never been resolved. When arguments fly, tempers flare, and anger rages, the mess is left like a truckload of trash dumped in the living room floor. It rots. It stinks. It keeps hurting our hearts. And future flare ups are made more frequent and more intense because of the pile of past hurt still laying around.

Conflict isn’t absent from happy homes; it’s just resolved. Healthy families pick up the mess when an explosion has occurred. Parents apologize to kids. Kids apologize to parents. Spouses apologize to each other. And prayer together puts every heart back on the stable ground of relational sanity. Whatever you do, don’t let conflict go unresolved. Colossians 3:13 teaches us to forebear and forgive one another, and Romans 12:18 admonishes us to“…live peacably with all men.” A good start to resolving conflict would be to approach a family member and sincerely ask, “How have I hurt you?” Listen. Don’t defend yourself. Eat humble pie and make it right.

Step Four—Play Together Abundantly. Contentious families have usually stopped playing together. They stopped having fun with their family a long time ago. Healthy families still plan fun. And frankly, kids who grow up loving God will nearly always tell you of someone (usually parents) who helped them see and experience the joy of being a Christian! Are you making life enjoyable for your family, or do they go elsewhere to find enjoyment? What light does that cast on your faith, your relationship with God, and your values? Does your joy make biblical living more attractive to your children?

When is the last time you planned a great time for your family? Healthy families balance rules with relationships and never get over the fun of just being a family. Isaiah 61:10 says,“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul will be joyful in God.” It’s hard to do that if you’re always grumpy. And grumpy people repel kids—it’s that simple.

There are three practices which we will examine in part two of this article which will post soon. Ask God to help you consistently apply His principles in your family.

Thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!

Discipline that Develops the Heart

Ten Biblical Principles for Winning Your Child’s Heart

How do you discipline your children? Here are ten Biblical principles for handling discipline biblically and in a way that truly develops the heart of your child.

Discipline that develops the heart…

1. Is Controlled and Premeditated—It doesn’t fly off the handle or out of control.

Proverbs 16:32, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.”

Colossians 3:21, “Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

2. Is Biblically Principled and Corrective—It rests upon a Higher Authority—God and His Word, and isn’t easily manipulated.

Proverbs 19:18, “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”

3. Is Instructive and Nurturing—It moves beyond reaction and actually instructs and trains.

Proverbs 4:1-4, “Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding.  2 For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law.  3 For I was my father’s son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother.  4 He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live.”

4. Is Focused on Beliefs then Behavior—It seeks to understand the beliefs that drive behavior, not merely change behavior.

Proverbs 23:26, “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.”

Proverbs 4:1-2, “Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding.  2 For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law.”

5. Is Focused on Restoring Relationships—It always seeks a stronger relationship, not a wounded one.

Col. 3:21, “Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

6. Is Listening and Encouraging—It contemplates, considers, and listens to the feelings and expressions of the heart.

Psalm 103:13, “Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him.”

Col. 3:21, “Fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

1 Thessalonians 2:11, “As you know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children.”

7. Is Prayerful and Christ Centered—It brings Christ to the forefront and maintains a humble spirit.

James 5:16, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

8. Is Selfless and Contextual—It is for the profit of the child and helps the child see the larger context of blessing.

Hebrews 12:10, “For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.”

9. Is Forward Looking—It blesses the heart with hope and an “I believe in you” spirit.

Proverbs 4:10, “Hear, O my son, and receive my sayings; and the years of thy life shall be many.”

1 Peter 2:2, “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:”

10. Is Obedient to a Higher Authority—It flows from a heart that is obviously obedient to the Heavenly Father.

Proverbs 24:21, ” My son, fear thou the LORD and the king: and meddle not with them that are given to change:”

Proverbs 23:26, “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.”

Continue the discussion: How have you seen God bless these principles in your own life or family?

Thank you www.caryschmidt.com!

A Good Marriage Doesn’t Happen By Accident

I’m not a marriage expert, nor am I a marriage counselor, but I’m smart enough to tell you this … a good, healthy, happy, strong marriage doesn’t just happen by accident. It takes work.

Yes, work!

A truly happy marriage never happens by accident, instead it takes time and effort.

According to the national average, a couple will spend $17,500 and copious amounts of time on their wedding. But how much do they actually spend on their marriage?

A husband and a wife who are willing to put lots of time and energy into building a strong marriage, can have the kind of marriage they want. Whether you’ve been married 2 months or 20 years, the best time to start building a strong marriage is today. Start today by committing to your spouse, “I want us to have a great marriage.” Don’t neglect your marriage for years and then wonder, “I don’t know what happened.” Instead, put some time and effort into your marriage.

If you’ve spent years neglecting your marriage and your spouse’s needs, here are some things that will help…

• Don’t give up.
• Commit with your spouse to starting over today. Commit to putting time and effort into restoring and building a great marriage.
• Seek out an expert, a Christian marriage counselor.
• Educate yourself. Find some books on marriage and read them together. Here’s a list of books Lea and I have used to better our marriage. Reading together is one of the best things we’ve ever done.
• Invest large amounts of time and effort into building a great marriage.
• Get out of town … without your children. Spend a weekend away with just the two of you.
• Be patient. Things don’t always change overnight. Can you imagine a man who has spent years neglecting his health, all of a sudden going to a doctor and saying,“Make it better … quick.” Doctors can’t fix years of neglect overnight (and sometimes not at all). Fixing years of neglect to your physical health often takes months and years of hard work and discipline to get your body back on track. The same is true if you’ve neglected your marriage. It may not be able to be fixed overnight, but with time, hard work and discipline … you can get it back on track.

A good, happy, healthy, strong marriage doesn’t happen by accident … it takes work. Invest some time and effort into your marriage today.

Thank you to www.treymorgan.net!

10 Ways to Ruin Your Children

1. LIE FOR YOUR KIDS. When a parent writes their child a note to school saying their child was sick or had a doctor’s appointment, and really they just over slept …. YOU are teaching them it’s OKAY to lie. Don’t you get it? NEVER lie to help cover up mistakes for your kids.
2. DON’T GIVE THEM ANY RULES. Just let them do what they want. They don’t need any direction.
3. AUTOMATICALLY THINK EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOUR CHILD WHEN THEY GET IN TROUBLE. Your child is perfect, how could they ever do anything wrong? If your child gets in trouble it’s got to be somebody’s fault, but surely not your kid’s fault. When I was a kid, if I got in trouble at school (yea, hard to believe), I got in trouble when I got home as well. Now days, when a child gets in trouble at school, the parent thinks it’s the school’s fault, the teacher’s fault or the principal is picking on my child! Have you ever thought that your child just might have done something wrong?
4. NEVER DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN. Discipline is overrated. Just always threaten to punish them without ever following through.
5. DON’T MAKE GOD A PRIORITY IN THEIR LIVES. They don’t need church, faith or a large dose of God these days. Instead let them discover their faith on their own … once they get older.
6. PULL STRINGS TO GET YOUR CHILDREN OUT OF TROUBLE. Actually, if your child has done something that deserves punishment, let them be responsible for their own actions. Don’t threaten to call a lawyer, talk to the principal or talk to a superior to get your child out of trouble for something they’ve done. Have you ever heard of “you reap what you sow” or you have to be responsible for your own actions?
7. BE INCONSISTENT. Tell your kids to do one thing then you do another. Tell them not to lie, and then let them hear you lie. Don’t practice what you preach. INSTEAD … be the parent that’s brave enough to get up and turn off a television show that doesn’t need to be on. Teach them by your example. Let your children see you consistently living what you preach. Be consistent.
8. GIVE YOUR KIDS EVERYTHING THEY WANT. They may think they need a new car, the latest electronic games and the best clothes, but sometimes you have to say, “No.”
9. STRIVE TO BE THEIR FRIEND MORE THAN THEIR PARENT. Believe it or not, your children need a parent more than they need another buddy. I wholeheartedly believe in being friends with your children, but not at the cost of giving up the role as their parent.
10. UNDERESTIMATE THE ROLE OF THE FATHER. This coming year 40% of the children born in our country will be born in a home where there is no father. We’ve quickly become a country where the men like to fool around, but they don’t like to stay around. Despite Ephesians 6:4 telling us that it’s the father’s role to train the children, fathers are not taking responsibility for that role. Men … man-up, it’s time to be a dad.

Thank you to www.treymorgan.net!

Responding to the Word

One of the purposes of this blog is to deal with issues that are both important and relevant to the family. Of paramount importance to any family is the topic of child rearing.

We’ve all been unhappy bystanders at the “supermarket meltdown.” Some cute, precious toddler has been told that he can do without the tantalizing and strategically placed candy bar next to the checkout counter. In mere seconds a transformation takes place! The toddler suddenly morphs into a Tasmanian devil with an amplifier for a voice box. You know what I’m talking about. Sometimes the kid is even related to us.

Trying not to stare, but deriving a certain voyeuristic pleasure, we watch as the predictable drama unfolds:

Mother: No, Sweetheart, Mommy doesn’t want you to have that.

Toddler: But I WAANNNTT it!!

Narrator’s comment: Kids don’t play fair. Often they employ the time-honored weapon of embarrassment. They know that their increased volume level has attracted curious onlookers, and they sense your growing level of discomfort. In fact, they take an almost sadistic delight in it.

Mother: What did Mommy say?

Toddler: (Louder) But I WWWWWAAAAANNNNNTTTT it!

Narrator’s comment: Does this mother actually think that Junior didn’t hear her? This is the same kid that memorized entire conversations from Monsters, Inc. and Finding Nemo after watching them one time. Does she actually think he can’t remember her simple reply of “No”?

Mother: Look at all the food Mommy is buying. We don’t need that candy bar. We can’t afford that right now. And besides it’ll rot all of your teeth out.

Toddler: (Kicking, screaming, crying, turning colors, and raising his voice to jet engine decibel levels) IIIIII WWWWWAAAAAANNNNTTTTT TTTHHHHAAAATTT CCCCAAAANNNDDDYYY!!!!!!!!

Narrator’s comment: Obviously the Tasmanian is winning. In part, because he has not changed his game plan one iota, unlike the hapless mother who is grasping at straws. Rationalizing with toddlers is not rational. Two year olds cannot grasp the complexity of a strained family budget, nor do they care about the long-term health of their pearly whites. In fact, in their economy, more teeth lost equates to more money from the tooth fairy!

Mother: (Exasperated) I’m not going to say it again! No! Do you understand me? No! No! No!

Toddler: (Unintelligible wailing akin to the bellowing of a stomach-sick wildebeest)

Narrator: After vowing she would not repeat her complex instructions (“No”), she repeats them four more times. The toddler has played this game before and understands this to be the ineffective roaring of the lioness before she ultimately relents.

Mother: (Defeated, embarrassed, and exhausted, as she pays for the forbidden candy and gives it to her child) This is the last time you are ever going shopping with Mommy! And I mean it! Don’t come running to me when your tummy hurts either, because I told you so!!

Toddler: (Unable to speak with his mouth full of candy)

Narrator: Everybody’s happy. Right? Mom is no longer the center of an uncomfortable drama. Toddler happily eats his hard-won candy. Store patrons are spared further noise pollution.

Unfortunately, nobody wins. A child has openly and willfully defied his authority’s word and has put his future in a precarious position. Parents, consider these thoughts about teaching/training your children to respond to your word.

1. Our children do not belong to us; they belong to God. We are training them to serve Him. By training them to respond to our word, we are training them to respond to the Word of God.

2. When my children obey only when I become sufficiently angry and threatening, I am training them to await God’s methods of attention-getting before they obey Him… a dangerous prospect, to say the least.

3. Children should be taught and trained to respond to a parent’s word, not a parent’s tone. Remember: we are attuning our children to respond to the still, small voice of God.

4. Parents should understand this principle: If I tell my children to do something and they don’t do it, they have done wrong. If I have to tell my children the same thing over and over until they obey, I have done wrong! Disobedience should not be met with repetition of commands; it should be met with discipline.

5. Parents must schedule time early and often to train their children to respond to their commands. We taught our children at a very young age that obedience included three words: (1) Now-obedience should be rendered immediately, (2) All-obedience should be rendered completely, and (3) Smile-obedience should be rendered happily.

Note: Please understand the difference between teaching and training. Teaching is the imparting of right information (what to do). Training is the physical exercise that accompanies teaching (how to do). A football coach can draw x’s and 0’s on the chalkboard until his hands become cramped, but the players will not necessarily play football any better. In fact, they will probably just become more frustrated losers!

Example: When our children were toddlers, we would have training time just before devotions. We taught them to come to Mommy and Daddy whenever they were called. To solidify the teaching, we would play the “Come when you are called game.” (Pretty original, huh?) We told the kids to go anywhere they wanted to go in the entire house. Then we told them that we would call one of their names, but not loudly, so they would have to listen carefully. When any one of them would hear his name, he would shout, “Yes, Sir!” or “Yes, Ma’am!” and come immediately. In “the game” we would reward them for how quickly they would come, or how happily, or how closely they listened! You get the idea.

Never underestimate the importance of training your children to respond to your word immediately, completely, and happily.

Thank you www.kurtskelly.com!

10 Things Women Don’t Understand About Men

There are plenty of things that men do that don't make sense to women. I can't explain them; it's just how we're made. Here are a few things that men do that women will NEVER understand...

1. Men just can't stop and ask for directions.

2. Men are obsessed with the TV remote control.

3. Men have no desire to start their Christmas shopping until December 24th.

4. Men can remember the score of a baseball game played ten years ago, but will struggle to remember their own anniversary.

5. Men can settle all serious arguments with a quick game of rock, paper, scissors.

6. Men HATE to chit-chat on the phone.

7. Men hate to wrap presents.

8. Men can watch the movie Gladiator over 1000 times without getting tired of it.

9. Under no circumstances do men EVER want to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics on television.

10. Men only cry when their team wins the big game or a heroic dog dies saving his master from death.

Thank you to www.treymorgan.net!

Before You Discipline Your Child…

 

Discipline is a sacred thing. Too often we parents take discipline too lightly or treat it too flippantly. In the big picture, all discipline is about bringing our children into a right relationship with their Heavenly Father, that He might bless their lives. It’s not about controlling behavior, modifying behavior, or minimizing embarrassment. Pure and simple, it’s about bringing them into proper alignment with the laws and favor of their gracious God.

With that in mind, there are two critical questions I must ask myself before I enter into any discipline of my children.

1. Am I Right with My Heavenly Father? It would be rather hypocritical to try to bring my child into a relationship that I will not bring myself into. It would be completely duplicitous to demand submission from my children if I myself am not submissive. I cannot expect my child to love, obey, and honor a God that I will not.

I challenge you to begin all family discipline with this question. Search your heart before you correct theirs. This will help you stay right with the Lord. It will make your discipline authentic. It will give you a spirit of humility in meting out discipline. It will give you a right perspective of your role as you are “under the authority” of your own Heavenly Father.

2. Am I Right with My Child? This one is as critical as the first. For discipline to be received, it must transfer far more than mere punishment or rebuke. It must transfer love and compassion. It must transfer care. It must transfer the heart of Christ and a passionate desire for what is broken to be made whole. This cannot happen if there is an unresolved offense between me and my child.

For many parents, the way they deal out discipline actually creates offense. We yell, scream, throw fits, and generally spout unrestrained anger. All of this is counter productive to biblical discipline. While it may temporarily curb undesired behavior (at least in our presence) it actually makes matters much worse under the surface—in the heart.

Authentic discipline only takes place when my heart is completely right with my child. Trying to throw down discipline on top of previous offense only builds and feeds a spirit of resentment. This merely invites my child to despise me.

If my own sin is standing in the way, I cannot deal authentically with my child’s—and the child intuitively knows this.

Discipline is not only sacred—it is precious. It doesn’t need to be purely unpleasant.  It can actually be sweet, restorative, rebuilding, and renewing. It can bring wholeness to that which was broken, sweetness to that which was bitter, and closeness to that which was distant. Biblical discipline brings a life out of fellowship back into fellowship. It puts joy and delight back into a relationship. In short—biblical discipline heals.

If you desire your discipline to be these things, you must first provide a “YES” to these two simple questions—Am I right with my Heavenly Father? Am I right with my child? Rest assured, if these two things are in place, your discipline will find its way into the heart and have a life-transforming effect.

Note: Quick litmus test—hug your child and pray with them after you discipline. If you are sincerely, willingly hugged back, it’s a good sign that you provided biblical discipline with the heart of Christ. If not, sit down and talk it out. Don’t stop pursuing an open heart, even after a moment of discipline. Discipline done right should bring your relationship closer immediately.

Thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!

Killer Marriage Tips

Click here.

They are KILLER.

Great Books for Christian Parents

Frequently someone asks what books I would recommend on youth ministry or parenting. They are generally the same books. While there are some good books on youth ministry, the most helpful to youth ministry are those on the family. Whether you are a parent or a youth pastor, I would urge you to read everything you can on biblical parenting and working with young heart. Over the years, these are a few books that have been profoundly helpful to me as a parent and youth pastor. I encourage you to read and pass along the information found in these books:

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp—this is probably the best book I’ve ever read on parenting and deserves to be read by parents every couple of years, no matter the age of your children. Portions of this book deal with infancy, childhood, and then teen years, but the entire book teaches a parent how to focus on the heart and not merely the behavior. The strength of this book is that it is thoroughly biblical and that it gives parents a clear understanding of the vital biblical principles that pertain to parenting.

Strong Fathers Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker—this book was given to me by a pastor friend and it deeply challenged my in my relationship with my daughter. Meg Meeker is a physician and the book, though Judeo-Christian in value, is primarily written from the experiences that Mrs. Meeker has had in dealing with families from the view of her medical practice. Every man with a daughter should read this book. It substantiates the principles of scripture with the real-life experience of a family physician.

Parenting by the Book by John Rosemond—I purchased this book a few years ago and worked through it in my personal time. The message of the book is that parenting by the Bible still works. The most powerful aspect of this book, in my life, was Rosemond’s explanation of authority and biblical discipline. He explains “the rod” of authority in a way that powerfully impacted me permanently in my own home. He also does a great job in dealing with heart transformation versus mere behavior modification. There were many portions of this book that I underlined, came back to, and shared with my wife.

Parenting Today’s Adolescent by Dennis Rainey—This book has been a standard in my library as a reference for teen parents for years. The book opens with much practical wisdom and then explores the traps of the teen years. As a youth pastor and parent, every page of this book resonated in my heart with wisdom and truth. One of the best aspects of this book is that it helps the parent lead the teen to develop personal convictions! This vital dynamic of training is absent in many Christian homes today.

As with most books but the Bible, I would give a disclaimer that I could not endorse everything about these books or the authors listed. I encourage the reader to read with Holy Spirit led discernment and Biblical wisdom. But generally these books deal with vital parenting issues biblically and practically. I pray they will be helpful tools to your home and ministry.

Thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!

A New Report on Spanking

Last week, the Wall Street Journal reported on a recent study that validated (not that it needed to be) the biblical model of child-rearing—spankings combined with balanced love, forgiveness, and nurture. The study showed that kids who were spanked actually did better in many areas of life, including academically, than those who were not spanked.

The study also showed some negative results in those who continued to receive spankings into their teen years. Sadly, few parents would realize that those results are related to relationships that are already broken in the first place. So many parents use spanking unwisely over trite, trivial matters—operating in the flesh (in anger) and not the Spirit. In other words, we think that a few undiscerning “whacks”, delivered in anger, accomplishes something—when in fact, lose-handed, unprincipled discipline creates problems rather than resolving them.

When a parent/child relationship is developed properly—and discipline done biblically and correctly—the relationship becomes stronger and healthier over the entire journey. Loving, biblical discipline always brings restoration and closeness between parent and child.

But when the relationship is broken, child and parent become enemies working against and resenting each other—rather than the two working and growing together as a team. In a broken environment, any form of discipline will be received as “from an enemy” and probably only create greater division, hurt, and resentment.

Perhaps the most encouraging part of the article was the balanced representation of biblical parenting—it explained that physical discipline, according to the Bible, is but a small part of the overall relationship that parents should be building with their children. God’s Word instructs us abundantly on the subjects of love, forgiveness, patience, teaching, and training of our children—not to mention “not provoking them to anger.”

It was good to see a secular source provide such a biblical and balanced perspective. Here’s the original article: Wall Street Journal: Spare the Spanking, Spoil the Report Card

Thanks to www.caryschmidt.com!

10 Facebook Rules for Married Couples

1. Don't spend more time on Facebook than you should. How much time is that? It depends on what your spouse says. Communicate with your spouse and ask them, "Am I spending too much time online?" You want to make sure your spouse is your number 1 relationship, not your buddies on Facebook. Pursue your spouse more than you pursue online relationships. Don't Facebook during "couple" time (ie. When your wife asks you to watch a movie with her, do you Facebook through it? Or don't facebook every night instead of going to bed with your husband.).

2. NEVER hide things from your spouse on Facebook. I've said it before and I'll say it a 1000 more times, openness and honestly is the glue of your marriage. When you start hiding friendships, conversations, chat sessions and comments from your spouse, THAT IS UNHEALTHY. If you're not allowing your spouse to know what you're doing on Facebook or online, that's a sign that you're doing something you shouldn't be doing. Cheating on your spouse online is JUST AS WRONG as physically cheating on your spouse. If you're doing it ... STOP IT!

3. Share your Facebook password with your spouse. I share every password with my wife ... from my Facebook account to every email address I have. Why would I want to do that? It's called trust, and it's also called accountability. Knowing my wife can open my laptop at anytime and read anything I'm doing, or see any place I've gone, keeps me accountable. Don't hide things from your spouse. Make sure you regularly tell them, "You are welcome to see what I'm doing anytime."

4. NEVER befriend anyone of the opposite sex that your spouse is uncomfortable with. Befriending an old boyfriend or girlfriend should NEVER be done. Don't search for old boyfriends and girlfriends. Simple communication with your spouse about this is best.

5. Defriend anyone who crosses normal boundaries. If someone is saying things, doing things or asking questions online that make you uncomfortable OR would make you uncomfortable in person, then that's not a good sign. Listen to the little voice in your head. If something tells you "this isn't right," then it's probably not. Never be ashamed or afraid to defriend someone that may have ulterior motives.

6. If you're married, PROUDLY set your "Relationship Status" to married. I wish there was a "Happily Married" status or for that matter, an "I'm madly in love with my incredibly gorgeous wife." I'd change my status to that in a heartbeat. :)

7. Post pictures of you and your spouse on your Facebook, OR use a "couple" picture as your profile picture.

8. Don't be afraid to proclaim your love for your spouse on Facebook. Someone of the opposite sex won't question your love for your spouse if you occasionally brag on your spouse on your Facebook status. It's healthy to brag on your spouse, and occasionally doing it in public conveys your love for your spouse to the world. It doesn't bother me one drop to tell the world just how much I love my wife. At the same time, I would NEVER use my status to complain about my spouse. Not smart!

9. Think before you type. Don't make comments on statuses and pictures of other people that come across as suggestive.

10. No matter how many friends you have on Facebook, remember that your #1 friend should be your spouse. Strive to better that relationship on a daily basis. Work 1000 times harder to grow in your relationship than you do at finding friends on Facebook. NEVER take your relationship with your spouse for granted. THE LAST THING YOU WANT is 1000 Facebook friends, while the love between you and your best friend slowly dies out.

Thanks to www.treymorgan.net!

10 Things Wives Should Never Do

Last week I posted “10 Things Husbands Should Never Do.”  Here is the flip side of that coin…

NEVER criticize or belittle your husband in public. A husband's ego is fragile and being critical of him in public or to your girlfriends is crushing.

NEVER withhold sex from your husband as punishment for something he has done wrong.

NEVER put your relationship with your children above your relationship with your husband. Don't stop being a mother, but just don't make your children more important than your relationship with your husband.

NEVER forget to regularly brag on your spouse. Men are like children, they are motivated by praise. You can not tell him too often how nice he looks, what a good dad he is, what a good provider he is, how much he still turns you on, etc. Simply be his biggest cheerleader.

NEVER view meeting your husband's needs sexually as a chore, but as a priority. Whether you're having sex five times a week or five times a year ... be happy. I read recently that couples who reported any kind of marital intimacy, everything from holding hands to sex, exhibited lower levels of stress. Strive to make your sex life sizzle.

NEVER use the silent treatment. The silent treatment is an immature and horribly unhealthy way of communicating that something is wrong. Just share your heart.

NEVER expect your husband to read your mind or to know what's wrong with you. Ladies, I've said it once and I'll say it a million more times, you CANNOT connect the dots close enough for us men to catch on to what you are thinking. Just spell it out. Dropping hints or just expecting your husband to know what your thinking will only lead to MORE frustration. Simply tell us what's on your mind.

NEVER underestimate the importance of doing things your husband likes to do. Be your husband's best friend and spend time doing things he likes to do. Take interest in some of his hobbies. Some of the best memories you can make together are when you're spending time together.

NEVER take for granted your physical appearance. Everyone knows that men are visually stimulated, so dress with the goal of pleasing him. I'm not saying you have to be a trophy wife, but do the best with what you have. Face cream, rollers in your hair and an old pink bathrobe should not be the norm for how he sees you.

NEVER forget to be limitless in your forgiveness. Husbands can make mistakes with the best of them, so always be willing to forgive.

Thanks to www.treymorgan.net!